I am currently doing a e-journaling course that beings today through Kate Johson's site Heartwork. I am always wanting to journal and blog and often find myself not following through as I should. This is not only making me accountable, but also it is making me try a different way to let loose on what I write. The first assignment is on reflection. So, here it goes:
When I breathe, I feel stuck. Breathing does not come easily for me and I cannot seem to focus when I force myself to try and breathe. I would love to take yoga and excel at it, but I freak out every time the breathe portion comes into play. Perhaps, it is because I have never truly learned how to breathe? My not knowing how to breathe, makes breathing more difficult for me. So that is the hardest part so far for me on this journey.
Reflection on the other hand is not. I am always reflecting on my life, myself and the things that go on around me. I like to try and change and grow in my life whenever there seems to be something out of balance. Or at least out of balance in my mind. I have been told many a time, I am too over analytical about things and life.
At the moment and recently, I am deep into reflection because I am about to go through a divorce. One that has been a long time coming, but not for the right reason's. One that could be unavoidable, but I do not really have a say in the matter. My husband has a mental illness and it has dictated our whole relationship.
My emotional self is the forefront of my attention, as is my external life, because my whole situation not only affects me but my six year old daughter. When I really reflect, I realize that my emotional and external life has be the forefront of my attention for many years, seven to be exact.
When I stumbled across the Heartwork blog and saw this e-course, I was drawn to what I read. I wanted the opportunity to take the class. (Besides being faced with a divorce, I have also been unemployed and recently found a job that is due to start at the beginning of September)
Reading the words Heartwork clicked with me. It made me realize it is just what I needed to do. I thought immediately it would be an opportunity for me to maybe be able to express what has been blocked and buried deep within me; waiting and wanting to come to the surface. A chance for me to heal the emotional and external things that are demanding all my attention. To possible gain the freedom and force myself to really ask myself hard questions and move forward through journaling. Something, I have not been able to do without the prompt or push of someone else. With this, I won't freeze when I look at the page, hopefully, I will express.
I am not 100% sure that what I have written here has anything to do with or answered all the questions that were asked in the reflection exercise, but I wrote what came to mind and moved me in my attempt. Thanks for allowing me the experience and to be a part of this course.