Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday Scribbling #239~Intense

Intense is trying to find balance. Balancing and juggling life and its daily doings can be a challenge. I am a single mom, who at the moment works a full time job and is trying to create a whole new life for myself and my child. I come home in the evening, spend quality time with and take care of the needs of my child (ie. homework, dinner, baths, play and bedtime rituals).

After my child is in bed then I try and carve out what I want my new niche, and career in life to be, by staying up and focusing on the goals I have set for myself and my time line, so that I can work from home full time, doing what I am passionate about. While having the freedom of time and to be able to set my own schedule and not be under someone thumb 24/7.

It is intense to try and recreate a new life from an old one. It is knowing what you want that new life to look like and not getting frustrated if there are set backs along the way. Understanding, taking advantage of and working around or incorporating the setbacks into the plan. Intensity is the feeling you get when things fall into place, one goal has been achieved, checked off the list and the next one is already in motion.

In all honesty, the intensity is what drive me. It helps me to strive harder for my dreams and that new life. It leads me to believe that the outcome of achieving what I want will be that much sweeter when success occurs.

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Thursday, October 14, 2010


"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.” ~Margaret Lee Runbeck

Lately, my evenings have been filled with silence. After I have put my daughter to bed there has been no noise throughout the neighborhood, throughout the house and I have made a conscious effort to keep the T.V. off.

I have been journaling and reading Brene Brown's new book The Gifts of Imperfection, which I might add is amazing. I know that there are lot's of people participating in the perfect protest. I am ashamed to say that I wanted to as well and never got around to doing it, because I just could not think of something to write/say.

I have needed this silence and time in my life to reflect. Not that I do not reflect most of the time. It's just that when life is in the realm of change, the silence and time you allow yourself to sit in that silence can be very comforting and mindful. One can learn so much about themselves, their choices and find new and exciting paths and happiness on the silence journey.

I was blog reading today and it inspired me to write. I always tell myself I will right more consistently but can't seem to find my voice. This book is teaching me that my thoughts do not have to be perfect for me to write on my blog on a daily basis.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sunday Scribbling~#236 Essential

Essential for me at the moment is my health.

A little over a month ago I noticed I had blood in my urine. The condition which is called Hematuria. This was not the first time this had occurred. In fact, ten years to the date, I had, had a similar experience. But then the bleeding just stopped on its on and we never when further with a diagnosis.

This time around they were able to determine by Cystoscopy, that the blood is coming from my left kidney and in less than a week, I will actually have a procedure where they will take a camera up into my kidney to determine what the cause is and hopefully find a solution.

This procedure is essential. Not only for them to determine what is wrong and correct it. But also for me to regain my health. Oddly enough there was no pain initially. Now there is slight pain every so often, but not in a debilitating way. But when I try to maintain my super-mom routine, I notice that I do not feel as motivated and peppy as I should. Yes, I am learning through this sudden experience how essential it is to take care of me too.

I have to be honest and say that this experience is semi scary. The not knowing what it is. Or the thoughts of what it could be, terrify me. I am trying not to think the worst. I belong to a very motivational community called Crazy Sexy Life. It is actually a community that was started for women who have had cancer, but I think that it really has so much more to do with health, wellness, connection and taking care of oneself in the best possible why we can to stay healthy. Reading articles from the blog and other peoples experiences has been essential for me to already try and heal myself before a diagnoses has been made through mindset, diet and remembering to take care of me.