Saturday, August 29, 2015

The Curves Life Throws You!

So, for the last month or more ,I have been dealing with my dad being in and out of the hospital and the feeling that these's doctor's are not really motivated to help him due to his age. He's 85. I have pretty much been burning the candles at both ends as they say, because my mother who is 86, needs me to help her deal with this situation as well. She is exhausted, not sleeping well, and the community around her is coming together to support and help her as well. But it isn't the same as the expectation she has from her daughter. There have been major issues with the hospital in terms of Medicare and treatment and many disagreements on how things should be handled.

In the meantime, I have changed my work schedule, due to my needing to pick my daughter up after school. Middle School kids, they don't like to go to after care. So, it's a 4:30-4:45 wake up call and at work by 6:30. I get off by 3:00 but by 12:30, I am going down hill and ready to crash. Only, crashing isn't an option because we have soccer practice twice a week for an hour and a half, chorus after school two times a week, Hebrew school twice a week, after school tutoring and well just life in general.

My daughter is now on the Concord Fire Central Academy Soccer Silver team. This is a true commitment!  Her biggest so far and a great life lesson on what is expected of her in terms of commitment. Besides our 1 1/2 hour practices twice a week, and then starting in a couple of weeks, games every weekend and the occasional tournament. Yes, busy she is, but she is also really loving it, and gaining a great confidence in the sport that is to say the least, amazing. Think this could definitely add extra boost to the self esteem. She has still managed at this point to have sleepovers with her school friends (especially, her long time BFF ie. picking Just Dance songs for each other to complete) and do other activities she loves. I'm afraid though that once the season really starts, she will have to make some tough decisions. But I am confident that she will make the best one. I am in awe of the maturity Middle School had brought for not only her but her friends. They are a different breed of child now, but in an amazing way. They are really a loving, sensitive, caring group of kids. They have welcomed with open arms all the new kids at there school and made them really feel part of the AIS (Atlanta International School) community. It's amazing!

So, in all of this how am I maintaining? Fairly well, I have good friends who support me and who I communicate with on a daily basis, that have been a great support to me.  I am learning through this process what I can handle and what I need to just let go of. I have learned who my true friends are and who are the ones who expect me to be there for them, but they are not there for me.

I am discovering that I am going to make major changes in my life. Where I live, my social life (I have been having a blast with that lately..met some great new people), and that no matter what happens to you in life, kindness to others and being there for people no matter how they present themselves to you, is the most important thing.

As for now, and always, the only thing I can do, is..go with the flow.





Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Lost

I stare helplessly out the window
wondering,
how I ended up on this
indescribable, unfulfilling path
that I am on.

In the distance,
I see a the forest begin to grow
rapidly, and thicker
as the minutes pass.

I am being blinded by its
fierce, yet somewhat lovely change
and curiosity is overtaking
my mind.

I fear that I am being
blocked, covered by
the trees expansion
and that it is nearing me.

I want to run towards it
to see what its meaning is.
But at the same time,
I am fully aware of what it
means.

I am blocked, paralyzed
by not having a direction,
by not following my heart.

The forest is there to remind me
how quickly we can be smothered
by what we feel we must do, instead
of what we truly
want to.

The reality of trying to navigate
through the thick brush of trees, etc.,
creates a harder
and longer path to follow
before coming out
on the other side of the forest,
and seeing the truth.

So as I look out to the distance,
I put my hand over my eyes,
close them, rub them once and
open them again.

This time, I see a forest,
but one where the sun is shining through the trees.
A small but inviting narrow path calling out to me.
As I walk out the door and toward the forest,
I am no longer lost, but awaiting an adventure.

@Lisa Kilinc 2015